Transcribed from the Sermon preached May 9, 2004

Mother, Ma, Mammy, Madre, Mama, La mujer que te dio la luz, the woman who gave you light.  Mom.  What can we offer our mothers on Mothers Day?  Mothers offer us so much that perhaps we should resolve to recognize their value and needs more often than one day a year.  Certainly it is a good thing that we have begun to recognize how patriarchal systems and men in general have limited the role of women, often judging the value of a woman on her ability to give birth and mother.  It is a good thing that women have the freedom to be and identify themselves as multilayered beings. Motherhood is only one role a woman can play; still it is a powerful and important role.  Valuable additions to our theology and faith are the feminine aspects of God, and in particular the image of God as Mother.  The image of the Creator as Womb is a particularly beautiful and powerful image. The Bible speaks of God as the feminine Divine Wisdom that brings forth creation, as a mother bear, as a mother hen who protects her chicks, as a mother who will not forsake her nursing child.  And as I have shown in a previous sermon, contrary to popular belief, it has been our mothers and grandmothers who brought us Christian faith, not just patriarchs.

We are being challenged by spiritual minded feminists to stretch our language to include Goddess, and to recognize the image of Goddess in each woman, indeed each human being and the Creation, Mother Earth.  Such expansion of our thought to include equal rights and respect for women and feminine images of God has been very slow coming, and still remains difficult not only for North American Christians, but indeed, most of the world’s cultures.   Hinduism, for instance, has thousands of gods and goddesses, yet most Hindu culture remains heavily patriarchal. There is no assurance then, that the expansion of our theological language to include goddess imagery will liberate women from oppressive relationships with men.   Nevertheless, one of the steps on the way to liberation is to erase any idea that women are somehow a step removed from the divine.  As the biblical story unfolds, we find an ever increasing affirmation that God is on the side of the humble, the poor, the hungry and the oppressed.  "If you have done it to the least of these," says Jesus, "you have done it to me." There is no question in my mind then, that Jesus and the Biblical journey leads us to recognize the divine image of God in women and to affirm God’s calling of women into diverse and powerful ministry and lives.  "Blessed are you women," I hear Jesus saying to us today, "for you embody the image of God."

With all that said, I still want to make sure to offer women and mothers grace.  I truly believe that the Christian message of grace is perhaps the most profound spiritual truth in life. There is a push within postmodern culture to envision ourselves as gods and goddesses. While this concept confirms the truth that the Spirit of the Divine is found within each one of us, and this can be an important and powerful self affirmation, especially for women, there are two very dangerous traps of such a claim.  First, the idol god which is the market would love to have us fooled into believing we are individual gods, deserving of indulgence in every whim and fad our hearts desire. This is especially dangerous in North America, where egotistical individualism indulges itself to the exclusion of the poor mothers, their children and the planet. Beware of idolatry.  Beware, in an attempt to affirm your own power, that you may mistakenly give power to the beast, as Revelations would say.

The second danger of considering ourselves gods and goddesses comes from the burden the image places on our soul.  It is fundamental to a joyful and meaningful life and identity to affirm that the Divine Spirit is within us.  Yet this is a hard affirmation for many to make because life is so difficult.  Life is difficult for mothers especially, not only because of the burdens of patriarchal culture, but also because of the beauty and power of motherhood.

Childbirth and reproduction carry immense power, regardless of how culture chooses to encapsulate it.  There are so many steps along the path of motherhood which may be fraught with pain, hardship and even shame. Even the choice not to have children is a huge one. Surely God does empower women to have choice and control over their own bodies, and to have children born into this world that will be loved and cared for adequately. Still, we ought not to pretend that the choice to end a pregnancy is an easy one, free of moral ambiguity and struggle. Especially in later term abortions, when complications have been discovered, I sense that the church should not ignore the situation, but offer a space to process and grieve. God does not abandon us in the midst of morally ambiguous situations. On the contrary, it is precisely within those situations that we need both moral courage to go on, and God’s forgiving grace. Thank God.  If we do not have a problem sending chaplains to soldiers in war, then we should certainly be able to pray for and accompany women to the hospital.

We can affirm as well with those who, for whatever reason, would like to have children but cannot, that our connection to eternal life is not dependent on our choice or physical ability to produce children. The best selling mystery novel, the DaVinci Code, was based on the idea that Church had covered up Mary Magdalene’s marriage and procreation with Jesus.  This kind of speculation is like trying to pinpoint who killed JFK, two thousand years after the fact.  Throw out an idea that sounds plausible and nobody can disprove it.  What difference does it make?  One thing quite clear in Jesus’ ministry is that power and connection to God and God’s family is not dependent on bloodline. We are all adopted members of the family of God, brothers and sisters, coheirs with Christ.

The process of giving birth is difficult enough in and of itself to warrant declaring a day to acknowledge and celebrate what our mothers have done. The toughest, most difficult experience of my life, without an even close second, was sitting with my wife while she gave birth to our first son Nicholas…And all I did was watch!  It was around the twenty-fifth hour of labor, in the middle of the second night without sleep that she decided to take an epidural. The anesthesiologist asked me to help support Feliciana. Then the doctor took out a hammer to drive the stake of a needle into her spine.  One look at that needle going into my wife was all I could take.  The doctors said, "Hold her still, don’t move!" and I said, "I think I’m going to faint." Feliciana’s sister grabbed Feliciana’s shoulders while the nurse pushed a chair under me as I fell out cold.  But you know what, as difficult as it is, I am a little jealous.  I have womb envy. Freud said girls have penis envy.  I have to admit, it is kind of fun being able to write your name with your pee. Still, I think I have womb envy. There is a part of me that would love to be able to share Creation with God so intimately, so that when I would breath, my baby would receive oxygen, when I would eat, the baby would grow.  Ok, enough of the weird imagery… But I do have to admit, my wife carrying and giving birth to my children was the most beautiful and powerful thing I have ever experienced. And all I did was watch.

It ought to be enough that our mothers give birth to us, but then they have to raise us. And there are no easy answers to raising children. Mistakes will be made. Edwin Friedman in his book Generation to Generation talks about how particular attempts to mold behavior of a child can have mixed results:

· "Parental investment can promote overachievement or underachievement."

· "An overly strict mother can produce an overly strict daughter (when she is a mother) or one who is too permissive."

· "Alcoholic parents can produce alcoholic offspring or offspring who marry alcoholics."

· "Dependency can lead to helplessness or controlling attitudes."

· "Well defined stands can lead to admiration or revulsion."

· "Someone who sleeps a great deal could be depressed or content."

· "A family problem could surface after a business failure or a business success."

· "An extremely rigid offspring can be produced by an extremely rigid parent or an overly flexible parent."

· "Excessive closeness and ‘love’ can lead a child to run away from home early or to never leave."

· "Chronic means always; it also means never."

If you are still not overwhelmed and convinced you should remain a virgin, remember to throw in the cultural expectations on the modern mother.  Today’s mothers are expected to join the workforce, to have a life beyond their man and children, and help provide those important material goods for raising a child: clothes, computer, TV, internet and books, mind developing games and socialization, music and sports, health care and insurance, activities, a good school, nourishing food and diet, college tuition, and a $40,000 wedding…to name just a few of the essentials of the market.

On top of all that, you have to spend time with your children, love them, and raise them.  And the market has a very hard time trying to place a value on that task.  Somehow the wage of the average child care worker doesn’t measure up.  Inside, deep down, we love loving our children, and nothing is better for them than that, and we can never accept any value the market places on our love.  Still, if you stay home you risk being ridiculed for being weak and dependent, and the critics may be right.  Is that the example you want to set? The more you stay home the more likely you sacrifice either the quality or quantity of those good things mentioned above. Your children could suffer.  Then there is Dad.  Isn’t Mom supposed to keep a father figure around, and try to keep him from working too much or too little?  And whatever you do, don’t let anyone die.  Don’t let anyone die.  What a balancing act! Being a good mother is like trying to walk a tightrope across the Niagara Falls.

If it helps your balance to also think of yourself as a goddess, then I am sure God is game for that.  I don’t know about you, but you can call me what you want, pastor, minister, man of God, father, or a god, but I don’t want to have my children depend on me for their salvation.  If anyone depends on me for their salvation, no matter what you call me, they are in serious trouble.  I can’t even save myself.  I need help, and I suspect most  mothers feel the same way.

Funny thing, after I recovered from fainting, and another ten hours of labor had passed, there was another tense moment when Nick was stuck and his heart rate dropped.  My mother became faint.  Nick was traumatized, so they took him away. I didn’t know what that would mean. I was afraid.  But I also realized there is something precious and beautiful about the commitment and love we share with people we call family.  Before I could sleep, I wrote this series of three poems. The first is titled 40 Hours in the Wilderness. The second Mother, Mother, I am Afraid of Life. The third, I’m Happy to See You.

The pain

Why have you brought me here dear Lord?

Chin to the chest

Push?

With what, dear Lord?  With What?

Is there more strength than I can see

can the doctors be right?

Push Feliciana? Push with every worn out, weary

Muscle in your body

Maybe God will give you strength?

Where is God? Where are you, God?

In this wilderness

Sucking on my head

twisting this way and that

Get the fuck off my baby

The Hindus and Muslims are fighting in India

Rodney King is beaten

the violence

Where are you God

in this wilderness?

I think I’ll go back to Egypt

thank you very much

No, I’m sorry, we’re not done with you yet

Max, don’t leave me

No, I won’t faint

Go sit with your wife while

we lay her belly open

look into her eyes, look at the tubes

look at the lights

look at the blood dripping down the tube

into the bottle

There it is

Can you look at it?

What is that white stuff?

Snap a picture with that throw away camera

record the moments of the real man’s Disneyland

"And if you look to the right, you can see you wife’s insides!"

Look, Feliciana

a living boy

That’s right

take your hand off the cross

touch his little red ear

put your hand back on the cross

we are leaving you

Doctors

Please put my wife back together

I guess I should be happy now

but I would rather go sleep

and wake up from this nightmare

the death of my dream

of the way it should be in the wilderness

You are going to sit down

because

they think you are going to faint

but you go to sit

because you love my wife

wait, you can’t do that

I’m the helpless one

Remember?

Your hands on your head

between your legs

does this have to move

must we move on?

I’m having a baby

and you are getting old

the wilderness is not what I thought it would be

the camp site wasn’t around the next corner

more rocks and more trail and more corners

and a long way down if you trip

I have to believe in this life

to believe in the next

right now I’m not sure

about much of anything

my mom sat down

before I could

and there are no more chairs left

Mother, Mother

I’m afraid of life

Yes, that’s right

I’m happy to see you

It’s funny

how I remember your face

you little ET

you baby burrito

yes, that’s right

I’m happy to see you

you’re something special

though I’m not sure what

I love you

I think

I think I know what love is

It’s stepping out

one foot at a time

into the wilderness

into the fear

and finding fear

stepping on out

finding fear

stepping on out

because there is someone there with you

who senses there’s a place

where fear does not prevail

now

I finished the poems, slept, and woke a happy and excited man.  God has blessed us. If God is love, then I have seen God through my mother and the mother of my children. Thank God there is a Mother in heaven who loves loving us, and loves loving our mothers and our children, even when we are flawed human beings living in this crazy, difficult, beautiful world.  Flawed and beautiful, and so we can give thanks for the beauty and love we have known.  By the grace of God, life is still beautiful, mothers are beautiful, and we give thanks.  We celebrate.  Thank you for all you have done.  Thank you God.